Monday, June 23, 2008

Pretender to the Throne

Googling your name is masturbation. Googling your blog is masturbation in public. Googling your blog after 3 entries is masturbation in public, while sobbing. Certainly we can all relate.

I suppose I should have named this "The most important journey any human who has ever lived has taken or will ever take in the history of mankind, and you are all lucky to even experience the written account of said journey." I tried it, but Blogspot said there were too many characters.

Ok, so I'm not the first to think of this trip, according to the search results, but certainly in the next few paragraphs I can justify why I'm the best so my ego can live to fight another day. The search was "Pan-American Bike Trip":

From the site: "On July 26, 2005, Brooks Allen & Gregg Bleakney embarked on a 19,500 mile bicycle journey from Prudhoe Bay (the most northern road accessible point in Alaska) to Tierra del Fuego, the southern most tip of Argentina. Their goal is to raise $50,001 to help fight Diabetes."

Very cool site, well laid out, great pictures, superb map, and excellent documentation. It looks like my estimate of 12,000 miles was pretty close too, considering I'm not trying to show off and start from Alaska. And what's with the whole diabetes thing? You think you're better than us, Brooks? Pretty smug if you ask me. (note to self: look into getting expenses comped by incorporating trip into a 501c3 non-profit charity)

From the site: The Road South is my solo bicycle journey along the Pan-American highway from the tip of North America to the tip of South America....Unfortunately, fate had other designs and a freak accident involving a pick-up truck and a bicyclist(me) in the summer.... nearly two years after the accident my titanium-reinforced leg continues to heal but now appears up to the task. So now, at the age of 34, I embark on my most ambitious bicycle trip ever.

Ok, apparently Nick didn't hear that the Alaska/Argentina trip had already been done, and by guys that clearly wanted theirs to be an altruistic trip, unlike Nick's selfishness. No wonder he went alone, I can't stand him already. I like that he upped the ante for the personal sympathy vote with the leg thing though...I think I might also have a similar "accident" just before I plan on leaving, hopefully resulting in the removal of an extremity. That should win me a few rides in the back of a pickup along the way, so I don't have to do so much damn biking.

From the site: I will cycle 25000 Kms across 16 country borders. The ones you see on the maps of this web site, but the ones I'm really planning to cross are the borders in our minds that exist subconsciously and limit our own perceived capabilities. They're the borders that say "You can't do it," and so prevent you from even trying. This trip is about conquering inhibition and blurring the line between dreams and reality.

Everyone calm down, my office is in the East Village, I know how to handle these people. Michael, a little help please...

And finally...

From the site: "Talk to Emmanuel and sooner or later you will realize his family and The Bible, the Word of God, are two of the main sources of inspiration into his life."

Automatic disqualification.

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